||[Dec. 18th, 2004|09:34 pm]
|||||Hole-Asking For It||]|
I have been feeling okay lately. I feel a little bit down today. I'd been feeling really lonely lately but today i started thinking of Aimie and i start feeling better. I'm am really busy right not wating my neibors kid and shopping for christmas presents and in my little spare time i just keep falling asleep.That's usually how it is for me in Wutumm and winter, I think i should have been an animla that hibernates!
Aimie and i had a talk this morning about some things. I told her i wasn't sure if i was gay or bisexual. She said it didn't matter to her just as long as i love her and don't cheat on her, which i would never do because my last boy friend cheated on me and i would never put Aimie threw that hell.
I'm am still confused am i gay or bisexual. I have noticed my "crushes" on males seem to be more of a fascination like i'd want to know them but not acually a sexual thing.Wheras with women i feel much more at ease and my "crushes" seem like a mixture of wanting to know them and there's offen a sexual element too. I guess I won't totally rule out male thing but I'm definitely at least 90% attracted to women, and 10% attracted to men! I guess though, if your gay it's still not impossible to like someone of the opposite sex, if their special to you.So maybe i am gay, but i've not got it all firgured out in my head yet. All i know is that i am in love with Aimie andi can't wait to see her.
Some thing else that has chnged for me is my eating. You see i use to suffer from Anoerxia(you could say i still suffer from it) Their were days when i wouldn't eat all. A few weeks ago Aimie ask me to start eating again because she didn't want to lose me. I felt bad because i dom't want to hurt Aimie and also i want to get better. So i made promise to Aimie that i eat everyday 3 meals a day. It has been hard some day i don't want to eat but i know i need to eat even if i don't want to. It's diffcult but it is completely worthwhile. i've certainly got over the worst of it because i don't wake up planning on starving myself that day. it was so hard at first that i didn't believe i could truly get better,yet now i know it's possible.
I am so exicted about seeing Aimie again. On one hand i am really exicted to see Aimie but i know i am really going to be nervous to. Are plan is to spend time just talking then we are going shopping. Then for new years eve were going to a club for the night.
Wow this entry has been really long. I am going to get something to eat.